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Synthesis - Columns

From 2008 to 2015 I wrote a weekly column for Synthesis Weekly under the name Zooey Mae. What started as an outlet to review graphic novels and comic books evolved over the years to cover everything from pop culture to whatever menial event was happening in my life. Looking back, I think I spent much too much time regaling Chico with tales of my allergies. 

Candy Crushing It

Originally published in Synthesis Weekly: April 2013

I think if someone were to do an analysis of all the columns I’ve written for Synthesis in the last five years, the most frequently occurring topics would be pillow forts, whiskey, and my incapacitating seasonal allergies. I don’t mean to beat a dead horse, but you guys; they’re really, really bad. As in, call-into-work-sick bad.

Last week, after spending the night sweating out Daiya Mac & Cheese with Tapatio and sneezing approximately every 15 seconds, I found myself waking up with eyes almost swollen shut and my voice nearly gone. I had the face of Norman Reedus after being stung in the eyes by jellyfish, and the voice of Kathleen Turner after a bender. I don’t know if this season is especially awful, or I’m just getting whinier by the day (which is entirely possible). I spent the day in a Benadryl-induced coma, only surfacing to fumble my way to the bathroom and then collapse back in bed.

In any case, when seasonal afflictions get you down it’s a good idea to focus on the positive, like antihistamines being sold on campus for a fraction of the price, or the return of Game of Thrones. I watched the season premiere last night. Was I the only one who felt like nothing substantial happened? I know there were a lot of characters to catch up with, but really the only entertaining part came during Daenerys’ storyline. I’m confident the season will pick up quickly, but in case you’re like me and want some more GoT news sooner than later, Geekologie is reporting that HBO has licensed the rights to a Game of Thrones-themed beer. They’ve gifted this to the Ommegang Brewery in upstate New York and have announced that the beer will have flavors of pils, honey, aroma malts, red wheat, grains of paradise, lemon peel, and will boast 6.5% alcohol by volume. Personally I’m hoping they release a Khal Drogo Dark Ale that’s full-bodied and aggressive, or a Joffrey Pale Ale that tastes like Pabst mixed with Zima and, has people storming the streets demanding its recall.

In other beer news, there is now a beer pong arcade game with real red cups, real ping pong ball and…no beer. Yeah, I know, I don’t get it either. Foodbeast reports: “It’s called Beer Pong Master, and it’s made by the dudes at Bay Tek Games. It’s all very fluid — swipe a credit card or insert a coin, pick 1-4 players, and be on your way. Normal beer pong mechanics are in play here, but you have a set amount of time to sink as many balls in the still-lit cups as possible.” I don’t know about you guys, but I feel no desire to play this game. However, I never really felt any strong push to play the game in real life either, so maybe I’m just not the target demographic. I’ll stick to drinking wine out of a sippy cup and playing Candy Crush on my phone. (Seriously, I can’t stop playing Candy Crush).

Sugar Rush!

Arielle Mullen