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Synthesis - Columns

From 2008 to 2015 I wrote a weekly column for Synthesis Weekly under the name Zooey Mae. What started as an outlet to review graphic novels and comic books evolved over the years to cover everything from pop culture to whatever menial event was happening in my life. Looking back, I think I spent much too much time regaling Chico with tales of my allergies. 

Frank Miller Gives My Middle Finger A Boner

Originally published in Synthesis Weekly: November 2011

Greetings and salutations dear readers, and may I just say that if you skipped out on Christmas Preview last week, you really screwed the pooch. The festive noise for your earholes that the Yule Logs provide is always a treat, but this year there was a strange and unexpected addition to the Christmas Preview window experience that had quite the crowd gathered. Two lion cubs, just hangin’ out, being lion-y and adorable, were provided for our viewing pleasure by the Barry R. Kirshner Wildlife Foundation. While I understand that they could (and probably would), severely injure me if I were to climb into their enclosure, a (not-so) small part of me thinks it would be worth it. Their claws would be shredding my innards, but think how cute they’d look while doing it!

In other news, the coked-out decision-makers in Hollywood have decided to green light a remake of Evil Dead. This is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, neither Bruce Campbell or Sam Raimi will have a hand in this version. Secondly, Hollywood has decided that the best person to handle the rewrite is Diablo Cody. Now while I recognize that she seems to possess the skill to handle a campy horror flick, and she does have the entire female population ages thirteen to thirty backing her ever since Juno came out (bitches love Juno), I remain skeptical. Remaking Evil Dead would be like trying to remake Jurassic Park, Back To The Future or The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. It wouldn’t matter how fantastic they were, they simply wouldn’t be able to match the indefinable charm and essence of the original.

Speaking of dysfunction, my favorite dysfunctional family (besides my own, naturally) is returning to the airwaves. That’s right kids, the Bluths are back. Netflix has reached an agreement with Twentieth Century Fox to bring back Tobias, Maeby, George Senior, Michael, and all the rest. Beginning in 2013 Arrested Development will be available on Netflix. Ted Sarandos, chief content officer for Netflix issued the following statement: “arrested development is one of the finest American comedies in TV history and its return through Netflix is a perfect example of how we are working closely with studios and networks to provide consumers with entertainment they love.” For how many customers Netflix has angered this past year, this announcement will certainly come as a welcome surprise to many.

To wrap things up this week, let’s shift our gaze to the adorably insane Frank Miller. The comic icon recently let loose with a belligerent tirade that let the world know exactly what he thinks of the Occupy movement. “Occupy is nothing but a pack of louts, thieves, and rapists, an unruly mob, fed by Woodstock-era nostalgia and putrid false righteousness. These clowns can do nothing but harm America. In the name of decency, go home to your parents, you losers. Go back to your mommas’ basements and play with your Lords of Warcraft.” Sick burn, bro. Looks like Miller’s been consuming far too much haterade. That’s all for this week my darlings, check back next week for a review of local graphic novelist Mike Rosen-Molina’s recent Slave Labor Graphics release, Malleus Maleficarum

Arielle Mullen