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Synthesis - Columns

From 2008 to 2015 I wrote a weekly column for Synthesis Weekly under the name Zooey Mae. What started as an outlet to review graphic novels and comic books evolved over the years to cover everything from pop culture to whatever menial event was happening in my life. Looking back, I think I spent much too much time regaling Chico with tales of my allergies. 

Greetings From Benadryl

Originally published in Synthesis Weekly: April 2012

When I get hit by allergies, it crosses past the realm of minor inconvenience into total life-ruining nightmare. My eyes get red and puffy which prompts lots of concerned looks from strangers. My throat gets scratchy and sore, and my stupid nose won’t stop leaking head fluids. I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure I need those head fluids for brain lubrication. Without them my thoughts get stuck en route from my brain-space to my mouth, and I end up saying stupid things (worse than my usual dumb self). Seriously, it’s bad. The other day I was staring bleary-eyed at my computer screen trying to remember how to spell “Nintendo”. Anyway, if any of you see me around town shuffling around looking like a red-eyed zombie, it’s probably best to give me a wide berth, lest you want to be sneezed on.

Speaking of zombies, the good folks in the U.K. have bested us once again in the great scheme of truly awesome things. A company called Wish.co.uk has jumped onboard the zombie enthusiasm train and is providing an opportunity to practice your survival skills for the impending zombie apocalypse. For a moderate fee ($230) they’ll set you loose in an abandoned mall stocked with zombies (see also: actors in zombie garb), and arm you with a bastion of Airsoft guns. The actors playing zombies are pretty ballsy considering they won’t be wearing any special body armor, and Airsoft pellets hurt. A lot. You’re given two and a half hours to survive the experience, and from what I hear the spaces are filling up fast.

In other news that’s decidedly more comic-y, there’s a new miniseries out that seems worth discussing. A spinoff of Kick-AssHit-Girl is also written by Mark Millar with art by Leandro Fernandez. While discussing how the character of Hit-Girl wound up with her own series with Comic Book Resources, Millar had this to say: “It’s very simple actually. Dave just breaks a few fingers. If you go out and pretend to be a superhero and actually get in a fight, if you punched someone and broke your hand you’d be useless as a superhero for a while. I had a friend at school who broke his hand with a single punch, so it’s a real thing that happens every once in a while. In the story Kick-Ass breaks his hand on a mission and Hit-Girl is out on her own. This story takes place between Kick-Ass 1 and Kick-Ass 1. There were loads of ideas I had that didn’t fit in either book, so this was a good way to fit all that in.”

That’s all for this week, I’m off to overdose on Benadryl and take a week-long nap. If I don’t surface next week you should all just assume that I either drowned in a pool of my own drool, or my allergies actually conquered my weak body and I’m just existing in a malnourished, under-hydrated pile of human. Cheers. 

Arielle Mullen