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Synthesis - Columns

From 2008 to 2015 I wrote a weekly column for Synthesis Weekly under the name Zooey Mae. What started as an outlet to review graphic novels and comic books evolved over the years to cover everything from pop culture to whatever menial event was happening in my life. Looking back, I think I spent much too much time regaling Chico with tales of my allergies. 

No Children

Originally published in Synthesis Weekly: September 2010

It’s widely known within my family and close friends that I don’t want children. I used to really loathe them, seeing them run rampant around downtown would send me turning on my heel and running in the opposite direction. In shops I’d roll my eyes against their screams and wailing, wishing I was anywhere but wherever I happened to be. When I’d see toddlers pulling against those weird harnesses with leashes attached, usually with a disgruntled parental figure on the other end, it always made me smile. Visiting my Dad at his classroom also posed a problem, as I did like seeing him, but having thirty pairs of eyes boring into the side of my face was never a desirable thought. I’ve always noticed that the more I ignore children, the more they seem to want my attention. It’s like they can’t deal with not having the complete attention of everyone in the room. Being an incredibly shy child, this is not a feeling I can claim to understand.

Everyone always laughed when I said I didn’t want kids. They seemed absolutely convinced I’d eventually changed my mind. I decided long ago that if my maternal instincts and biological clock did start acting up enough so that I couldn’t ignore it, I’d just get a puppy. I’ve noticed that I’ve met many more puppies that I’ve liked than children. Maybe it’s finally happening, and my stupid estrogen is tricking me into thinking children don’t annoy me as much as they used to… or maybe I’m just growing more tolerant with age; whatever the case, my resolve is softening. I still don’t want kids, but now when I encounter them I’m not as quick to irritation and anger as I am to a growing fascination. To look and encounter everything with new eyes, I can’t even fathom such a thing anymore. In any case, it is with the kids in mind that we delve into this weeks topic: all ages comics.

We call them “all ages” comics so the adults who frequent the section don’t feel the need to hang their heads in shame. And they shouldn’t! If you enjoy The Simpsons tv show, chances are you’d like the comics too. From creator Matt Groening, The Simpsons have countless comic series’ for you to peruse to your hearts content. If you are interested in diving into the all ages section of comics but not quite sure where to start, try The Simpsons Futurama Crossover Crisis, originally released in single issues in March this year, but has been collected into a hardcover, full color edition. So lovlies, march into your nearest comic slingin’ shop, straight into the all-ages section, and pick up whatever comics catch your eye. Seriously though, any of The Simpsons ones are going to be the best mainstream all-ages series that is released on a regular basis. You’re welcome. 

Arielle Mullen